I watched Moses intently, his insignificant small, silver name tag glistening in the light. I watched as his lanky frame towered over the ground below him, casting the omnipotent shadow that loomed over me, as he stood inspecting his surroundings. The long brown hair that framed his face looked disheveled and matted. His eyes had sunken in, leaving them hollow and dark. Shear life itself, appeared as though it would soon be the death of him.
Slowly his gaze drifted down to where I sat posted against the pole. Abruptly I averted my eyes.
“Excuse me?”
His voice was strong, with a baritone that made you feel firm and safe, wrapped in the arms of masculinity. Protecting you, like a father should.
“Father? Shh, shh, we don’t talk about him,” the words creeping from deep within my throat and leaking out.
Moses looked at me puzzled for a moment, before repeating himself.
“Excuse me, sir?”
I waited for him to go away. I closed my eyes hoping that the darkness would whisk me away, and engulf my reality and him along with it. Yet as I sat with my eyes shut, I could still feel his presence surrounding me.
“What do you want?”
I said, lazily opening my eyelids and lifting my head to look upon him. As hard as an anorexic attempts to starve themselves within an inch of starvation, I tried not to hide the annoyance in my face.
The look I received back from him was confirmation enough that I had succeeded. He looked appalled and taken aback by my hostility, pausing briefly before responding.
“I just wanted to see if you needed any help.”
That condescending bastard, how dare he assume that I needed his charity!
“Fuck off! I don’t need a damn pity party.”
“Look! I don’t pity you, have any empathy for you, or even feel sorry for you. I just was asking if you wanted help, a favor, shit a pat on the back! I’m not some sick twisted creep, that gets my jollies off on helping people, performing seemingly selfless acts just to make myself feel better about the world. It was a simple question. Do you need any help?”
With each word, I felt the ground slip from under me, knocking me flat on my face and letting every breathe I’d ever inhaled, escape from my lungs. For the first time in a long time, I had no idea what to say. No one had ever had the balls to stand up to me, and least of all because they wanted to help me. I was baffled by the generosity of this man. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. All I could bring myself to do, was nod in compliance.
***
I woke what seemed like an eternity later, the light had stolen away into the sky leaving nothing but black. I slowly and meticulously looked around me, absorbing every detail of my surroundings. Bus stop here; old broken down, tattered theater there with the paint chipping severely off the foundation of the building; and so on.
I felt it drop from the sky, suddenly and unannounced. No no no no no no no, this wasn’t suppose to happen. As quickly as the rain came, I felt my body fade away, and it all went black
***
The moist, violent touch of a stranger in the dark, collided with my skin. The rain’s brutal caress embraced me like the arms of a lover. How I longed to be loved. I titled my head back and let the water rush down the curves of my face, washing away my past sin. I am born again.
Jude was a selfish little bastard, always wanting to walk in the light, never failing to try and stifle my emergence. He had no idea how much my body craved to be held, to be touched, to be loved. He was selfish. Keeping me caged away like an animal. I prayed in solitude for the rain to come, his pure presence releasing me.
I looked to my right to see the fading lights of Bus 52 curving around the corner onto Calloway Boulevard. As soon as the lights disappeared into the darkness, I heard a halting screech with the blood curdling sound of a man in pain echoing in the background. I ran down the street, the sound of the worn, filth ridden shoes hitting the pavement. The rain soaked through my clothes, creating a second skin, clinging to my body. It fondled my breasts and ran down the outside of my thighs.
As soon as I turned the corner I saw the giant bus frame, its back end jutting out into the street. The parking lights cast a red shadow over the building on the opposite side of the street. As I rounded the back end of the bus, I saw the front end propped up on the curb, two legs poking slightly out from behind the tires, laying lifeless on the cold paved road.
I looked up at the towering building adjacent to the accident. Squinting my eyes, I could barely make out a sign at the roof of the building where the old neon lights had blown out.
“Wah-ter-shed High-ts,” I let the phonetics roll off the tip of my tongue as I read the sign aloud. It been so long since I’d enjoyed the taste of speech, and so I savored the moment. As I let my eyes fall, scanning the building, I saw a man’s face pressed against the glass of one floor. He appeared to be peering out to inspect the tragic site that had occurred outside his window. As he disappeared behind his curtain, I heard someone call out.
“Jude!”
The voice seemed to be that of a man’s and coming from the direction of the building. I searched through the crowd of spectators that poured from the mouth of the structure all heading in the direction of the crash. Breaking through the crowd came a tall, lanky man. He came towards me calling that accursed name.
“Jude, Jude!”
He stopped, breathing heavily at my feet. Keeling over to catch his breath, he said exhausted, “Jude, I was worried something had happened to you.”
I couldn’t help but cringe slightly at the thought of being called that name, and without thinking quickly replied, “Don’t call me that.”
He looked puzzled.
“Call you what?”
Saying slightly under my breath, as if to whisper, “Jude”, my voice trailed off.
“And why not?”
“That’s not my name.”
“What?”
Before I could stop, I found myself shouting at the poor man, “That’s not my name, damn-it!”
He starred at me, confused.
Embarrassed, i quickly regurgitated an apology. Blushing I managed to force out a ‘sorry’.
“My name is Jezebel Daniels,” I said, extending my open palm to him.
